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God places things in my life for reasons

  • Nov 07 2011
    God places things in my life for reasons

    In May of 2010, my little sister passed away from epilepsy. She was only 11 years old and 7 months. My life felt like it hit rock bottom. I had no clue why God would allow this to happen to my family but especially me! "GOD WHY!" That was my biggest question throughout my senior year. A 17 year old girl shouldn't have to go through a trial like that. It shouldn't have happen, I could have prevented it!! Why didn't I do something. I felt like God took me and my family out of His hand. I hated the thought, I lost my BEST friend! I love her so much, why God would you take a little girl, who hasn't even started her life yet out of the world. You should have taken me instead! Please Lord, let her live...let her get better. Those were the words I would tell myself the 4 days we were in the hospital with her. She was on life support those 4 days, and the doctors pronounced her brain dead. Brain Dead... NO! you can do something.. I know there is something that can help her!!! God please!! Take me instead spare my little sister's life.
    Sadly, they took my sister off of life support and they pronounced her dead on May 7, 2010 at 9:36 a.m. God why couldn't you have done a miracle here? It was because of me she is gone. Are you trying to teach me a lesson here, because I don't see the good out of this. Sitting at my sister's bedside while she lay there helpless, spiritless, cold....I cried pleading to God.. WHY!!!!! I started to get anger towards Him, that lasted a year. Her birthday came around on September 3rd and I thought I was going to die. Knowing she was never going to see another birthday ever again, never going to get her license, college, boyfriend, husband, family. I couldn't help but want to die with the thought.
    That following November I was going to get my license. I remember Carlie telling me that she was so excited for when I would get it. And that we would go to the mall, drive her everywhere, and that I would take her to her friend's house.. I would take her where ever she wanted to go. My heart still brakes knowing she never got that chance. She told me this the day before she was sent to the hospital. Being an older sister, I felt terrible.. knowing that I wasn't going to be able to!! It was heartaching. It still is, but I know I have to stay strong for those around me. I can't cry around anyway. I have to look strong through this. Even though everyday it gets harder and harder. Its even harder, this being my first year in college and I have to cope with not being home with my family and her. She is burried 5 minutes from my home. And not being right now the straight literally from her is so hard!
    I don't know if I can emotionally handle this. I thought I could in the beginning, but I am not quite certain anymore. I need help from you God. Even though I am still angry with you I need your help. We shall see how everyday goes... and what the Lord shows me.
    I miss you Carlie so much and I want you to know I love you so much! And I hope you knew that!! <3 Kisses from your older sister! Tiamo my love!! 5-7-10

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kateyjay's picture
on November 7, 2011 - 5:44pm

In May of 2010, my little sister passed away from epilepsy. She was only 11 years old and 7 months. My life felt like it hit rock bottom. I had no clue why God would allow this to happen to my family but especially me! "GOD WHY!" That was my biggest question throughout my senior year. A 17 year old girl shouldn't have to go through a trial like that. It shouldn't have happen, I could have prevented it!! Why didn't I do something. I felt like God took me and my family out of His hand. I hated the thought, I lost my BEST friend! I love her so much, why God would you take a little girl, who hasn't even started her life yet out of the world. You should have taken me instead! Please Lord, let her live...let her get better. Those were the words I would tell myself the 4 days we were in the hospital with her. She was on life support those 4 days, and the doctors pronounced her brain dead. Brain Dead... NO! you can do something.. I know there is something that can help her!!! God please!! Take me instead spare my little sister's life.
Sadly, they took my sister off of life support and they pronounced her dead on May 7, 2010 at 9:36 a.m. God why couldn't you have done a miracle here? It was because of me she is gone. Are you trying to teach me a lesson here, because I don't see the good out of this. Sitting at my sister's bedside while she lay there helpless, spiritless, cold....I cried pleading to God.. WHY!!!!! I started to get anger towards Him, that lasted a year. Her birthday came around on September 3rd and I thought I was going to die. Knowing she was never going to see another birthday ever again, never going to get her license, college, boyfriend, husband, family. I couldn't help but want to die with the thought.
That following November I was going to get my license. I remember Carlie telling me that she was so excited for when I would get it. And that we would go to the mall, drive her everywhere, and that I would take her to her friend's house.. I would take her where ever she wanted to go. My heart still brakes knowing she never got that chance. She told me this the day before she was sent to the hospital. Being an older sister, I felt terrible.. knowing that I wasn't going to be able to!! It was heartaching. It still is, but I know I have to stay strong for those around me. I can't cry around anyway. I have to look strong through this. Even though everyday it gets harder and harder. Its even harder, this being my first year in college and I have to cope with not being home with my family and her. She is burried 5 minutes from my home. And not being right now the straight literally from her is so hard!
I don't know if I can emotionally handle this. I thought I could in the beginning, but I am not quite certain anymore. I need help from you God. Even though I am still angry with you I need your help. We shall see how everyday goes... and what the Lord shows me.
I miss you Carlie so much and I want you to know I love you so much! And I hope you knew that!! <3 Kisses from your older sister! Tiamo my love!! 5-7-10